A short story by Logan Hendrickson
So I was grill shopping last night, a journey we all face as we plunge into the endeavor of choosing our next few yeas of cooking enjoyment. After looking at an impressive selection, I was ready to buy a nice gas grill ($400ish). Then something caught my eye, and I had an epiphany. Tucked away in an inconspicuous place was something that I could only call more beautiful than a black pearl, something that reminded me of 2 eyepatches making love. The shiny black coat of paint could only be compared to the African Jaguar, a sleek yet powerful creature that has dominated it’s advisories for years. Yes, I was looking at the Weber Kettle Grill.
I was intrigued, and inspected the unit for flaws, none of which I could find. A passing sales associate noticed my examination of the aforementioned machine, and remarked that it was the best unit he ever had the pleasure of partnering with in his cooking endeavors.
I subsequently purchased the unit, but one item of business remained. Upon checkout, the register clerk began to pitch a 1-year grill replacement warranty, for $9.42. “you’ve never owned a Weber, have you?”, I muttered.
“No” the clerk, who looked like a displaced housewife, replied. My rebuttal was swift and concise. “I’ll make you a deal. I will bring this grill in to you in 5 years, and if it fails to cook any different than a brand new unit, I will give you a $100 bill. When it does perform, you pay me $100.”
The clerk responded, “Your on Mister”
After completing the transaction, I let her in on one last piece of information. “Listen here lady, I need to inform you of something. Chuck Norris owns a Weber Kettle Grill. It is rumored that he once round-housed the grill when he was trying to speed the grilling process. The result wasn’t a broken grill, but a perfectly healthy grill and a broken foot for Chuck.”
The clerk replied “What exactly are you getting at?”
“I have no idea” I responded on my way out the door. I did get the name of the clerk, and sent her the following photo
(See attached file: 22 kettle.bmp)